Before and Laughter
Rational and Achievable
Before and Laughter isn’t a joke book, though it’s written by a comedian. Instead, it’s something quieter and more surprising: a compact manual for living better, delivered in a voice that never talks down to you.
What makes the book work so well is how approachable it is. Carr isn’t offering revolutionary new ideas or flashy self-help gimmicks. The advice here is timeless—almost frustratingly obvious in places—but that’s the point. These are truths most of us already know and have simply forgotten. Carr strips them down, removes the alarmist tone common to self-help, and presents them in a way that feels calm, rational, and achievable.
It’s also important to understand that Before and Laughter is a memoir. The ideas Carr shares aren’t abstract theories lifted solely from philosophy or psychology texts; they’re rooted in his own life, shaped by experience, missteps, reflection, and course correction. That personal grounding matters. It’s why the advice never feels preachy or academic—you’re not being instructed from a distance, you’re being let in on what he’s learned by actually living.
A recurring theme throughout the book is the importance of setting goals, taking action, and embracing sacrifice—particularly the willingness to give up comfort now in order to live better later. It’s an old idea, but Carr frames it with clarity and restraint. Discipline is encouraged without moralizing, and progress is framed as something built through small, deliberate choices rather than dramatic overhauls.
Carr is also clearly well read, and he wears that knowledge lightly. His references range from C.S. Lewis to Garry Shandling, creating an eclectic but thoughtful mix that reinforces the book’s central ideas. The quotes never feel decorative; they serve as guideposts, reminding the reader that this kind of wisdom has surfaced again and again across time, disciplines, and personalities.
Despite its relatively short length, Before and Laughter is a dense book. Nearly every page contains something worth underlining or revisiting. It’s the kind of book you can finish quickly but return to often, pulling something new from it depending on where you are in life.
At its best, Before and Laughter is equal parts practical advice and genuine inspiration. It doesn’t promise transformation, but it quietly suggests that change is possible—if you’re willing to think clearly, act intentionally, and delay gratification just a little longer.
If you allow its calm, human tone to reach you, this book can be a genuine life-changer. Not because it shouts or dazzles, but because it patiently reminds you of things you already knew—and encourages you to finally do something with them.
My Notes:
The source of all humor is not laughter, but sorrow. – Mark Twain
I used to think the human brain was the most important part of my body, but then I thought, “look who’s telling me that”.
We have one life to live and sometimes that’s too much.
A sense of humor and common sense are the same thing running at different speeds. A sense of humor is common sense dancing.
Anxiety is creativity with nothing to do
“Do the duty closest to thee, and thy second duty will become clearer.” – Thomas Carlye
Models are on the clock. Good looks are fleeting.
It’s better to be hated for who you are than loved for who you aren’t. I don’t know the guy, but I love him.
I used to be a people pleaser, but then I read that people don’t like people pleasers, so I stopped.
If you focus on improving your weakness you just might become very average, but if you focus on your strengths you just might become the best version of you.
Short term goals are good for you because they keep you grounded.
You only ever get to meet your real wife when you are getting a divorce. – Chris Rock
You would be lucky in life to find five people that are genuinely interested in who you are as a person.
Good judgement is the result of experience, Experience is the result of bad judgement.
I’ve stepped in puddles that are deeper than humanity.
People are going to make snap judgements about you. Make your peace with that.
I lost years of my life trying to live up to the expectations of other people.
If you can’t decide, then the answer is no.
You will be judged based on what you’ll do, not what you will say you will do.
Your current habits are perfectly designed to deliver your current results.
The future is already here, it just isn’t evenly distributed.
A good aspect about grief is that it opens your heart to others.
Avoiding situations in which you might make mistakes is the biggest mistake of them all.
You can always edit a bad page. You can’t edit a blank page.
How you can get good at a situation is to get into that situation over and over again.
Embarrassment now is worth it for the story later.
Inspiration is for amateurs. The rest of us show up for work.
It’s better to be uncomfortable than bored.
One doesn’t realize the price of freedom is loneliness. To be happy is to be tired.
Be a hypocrite or be the same person you are now for the rest of your life. When is the last time you changed your mind about something meaningful?
Make a to-do list. Make hard choices. Hard choices: easy life. Easy choices: hard life.
Fake it. Pretending to be and being are indistinguishable to the casual observer.
Ask yourself, “What do I want?” ask yourself all the time.
Compare and despair. The only comparison you should be making is to your past self.
The secret to happiness: do more. Expect less.
Health, work and home are the three legs of the tripod that are holding up your life.
Lean into what you’re good at and lean into what you’ve got.
Some people will hate you for not hating yourself and I really hate that.
thedorianroark
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