Notes:

Making everyone think that I had something going on with my life took up most of my days back then, you can't believe how much hard work it is to con people into thinking that you're productive and busy. It's worse than having a job. At least when you're employed, when people ask about your day you can tell them to shut up and mind their own business.Drew Carey, Dirty Jokes and Beer

They say that exercise and proper diet are keys to a longer, healthier life. Oh well.Drew Carey, Dirty Jokes and Beer

When you have the world by the balls, don't squeeze.Drew Carey, Dirty Jokes and Beer

Here's one area where men have it all over women. Women control sex, they get the better end of the deal in a divorce, and are hardly ever in as much danger as menare during a war. But so what? Men can write their names in the snow with their pee.Drew Carey, Dirty Jokes and Beer

I don't know about you, but if I ever heard a Swear word on free broadcast, I just might lose my will to live. [...] I might commit murder. Of course I can hear it on cable and in real life, but on regular TV? Anarchy!Drew Carey, Dirty Jokes and Beer